The Diary of Suicide

This is a diary in which I have pondered the deep thoughts of suicide. I in no way intend to harm myself or others around me, I cannot express this to you enough. This diary is dedicated merely to the thoughts, and how I am coping with them.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Once again..

I thought about it again today. Suicide. It's like a drug my mind is addicting to thinking about. Nothing is going right in my life. I do everything alone and shy away from human contact as often as possible. It's like a disease.

Sure, there are happy pills, but why bother? When they find a miracle pill to make the world and everyone inside of it perfect I might want to take those, but unfortunate for humanity those do not exist. It's unfortunate indeed.

I think of the ways I could go out, actually. I could blame my job, my financial burdens, my emotional standpoint (though rather unstable). I could blame the world, I could blame anything I wanted because I feel as if I am left with nothing. Those I seek friendship with, simply wouldn't be blamed, however, because I see the friendship with them. Other than that, I really don't put a time and effort into something as droll and boring as socializing.

I often wonder how many other people think of killing themselves. I truly cannot be the only one who ponders these thoughts, thinks of these wretched things such as spilling your own blood. It sounds morbid, but it also makes me very curious. Humans possess the inability to sacrifice themselves unless necessary, and there isn't enough honor in the world for that. I give credit to the Japanese Samurai who fought so long ago, for they knew if they defied honor, they would take their own life. It was noble, and it was also their way.

Maybe that's a solution then - Go out in the Way of the Samurai. Die with honor. One cut, one kill.

Maybe.. Still I continue to ponder these thoughts...

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